


Heartbeats

by lisavslisa



Series: The Au Pair [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, California, F/M, Famous Harry, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Lost Love, Love, New Beginnings, New Jersey, New York, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, post one direction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:22:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisavslisa/pseuds/lisavslisa
Summary: Two years.It was two years since she saw him.She was incredibly miserable without him.But everyone needs to move on at some point.Right?Sequel to The Au Pair“Often times we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to.Though that doesn’t mean we’ve stopped loving them or we’ve stopped caring.Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.”
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Au Pair [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764124
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	1. {one}

Two years. It was two years since she saw him. They told each other they would keep in touch, but it didn’t work out so well for them. His divorce took over a year to finalize and by that time Niko wasn’t sure where they stood anymore. She didn’t call – she didn’t write. Well, she supposed she did write – she just never sent them. It started out as a way of coping – the letters. She would write down her feelings and thoughts as to not bottle them up inside her. It helped a lot in the beginning, but sometimes the best laid plans don’t always work out the way they’re supposed to. 

…

_Hi._

_Sometimes I can’t justify my feelings. I hate it. I’m a mess. I just miss you a lot. And I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Remembering when you told me, no matter what our situation was that we’d have something no one else in the world could ever have. And we did. And I want it now, more than anything. Not in the previous intense way, but something more suited for us, for now. I just want to sit down with you right this very second and drink coffee and talk about our lives and what we’ve been doing and how much we miss each other. Because I miss you more than you could ever know. And I want to lay with you, just to be near you. We don’t even have to touch. I just want to breathe you in and know you’re okay and know you’re safe. We could sleep, we could dream, we could love_ . _Tell me you want this too… just a little bit._

_I miss you, Harry._

_You meant the world._

…

Surprisingly enough, Niko and Louis kept in touch on occasion. When he went on a solo tour, he actually put her on the guest list for his show in New York that next spring. Harry was supposed to be there that night, but Julia couldn’t take the kids because she had to stay late at work – or so Niko heard from Louis. It made her want to drive out to New Jersey to see him and Jackson and Avery. But she didn’t and they only grew further and further apart.

…

_Harry,_

_A year ago you were in my arms. I can’t say I haven’t missed you. You’re all I want and it breaks my heart. Today is a sad day. I’ve just stayed in bed and wept. I don’t know if this puts me in the category of pathetic, but I know I am somewhere close._ _Every time people ask me if I’m okay, it’s just a reminder that I’m not. It can’t get much worse._

_I feel like I am falling apart and I need you to put me back together._

_I just miss you._

_I need you._

_I love you._

_Yours forever,_

_Nikola_

…

To pass the time and to feed her depression, Niko spent hours listening to Harry’s old music – One Direction and his solo album. And watching One Direction’s concert DVD’s and his movie _Dunkirk_. It was a bit odd to watch him when he was so young, but it was Harry. If she couldn’t have him in real life, then she could watch him on her television. 

She was beginning an obsession and she knew it – but she didn’t care.

…

_H—_

_I haven’t seen you in a year and it’s breaking my heart. It’s hard to think you were only in my life for three months. Three months is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. But what we had in those three months was intense and real and passionate. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. And I’m desperate for it now. I’m desperate for you._

_I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss Jackson & Avery. I know you are close by – I could easily drive to you right now, but I know it wouldn’t be right. I know you’re still fighting through your divorce and I’m sorry. I just wish I could hold you. I wish I could tell you everything will be okay. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. And I hope you find peace when it’s all over. I hope Jackson and Avery are okay. I know you will protect them, keep them safe. They need you. But you already know that. You are the best father. They couldn’t have asked for a better provider, a better role model. You all deserve so much and I want it all for you. I love you all. And I wish things were different. _

_So many mixed feelings. The past dangles over my head. I miss you._

_I’m lonely and heart broken, but I suppose I should be grateful for what I have. I’m healthy. I have family and friends. I’m close to graduating from school. But through it all, I don’t have you and sometimes it’s too much. Sometimes I end up crying for no reason. But then again, there’s always a reason – you._

_I wish to find someone like you again someday. Even though I know it will never compare to what we had. Even though I know they will never be you. I will never love them the way I love you. I can promise you that._

_—N_

…

_Harry,_

_I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night, thinking of all the wonderful times we spent with each other, and then cry myself to sleep knowing I can never have them back…_

_Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking you’re there, but you’re not and it’s like that falling dream where you jolt awake as you hit the ground. And sometimes I wish I would… just hit the ground. It would hurt less._

_And sometimes I’m left sitting here trying to remember – did we really love each other that much, or is my missing you throwing my desperation out of whack? I don’t know anymore. Sometimes I can’t even remember if you were real. Or if I am just crazy. Did I dream you up? Am I lost inside my own mind?_

_Either way, I know I’ll never see the end of this dystopia I’m living in. Too much time has passed. You’re so close, but so far away and I’m left here falling apart over you day after day. And sometimes I get angry. Angry at myself, angry at you. Why did it have to turn out this way for us? Why couldn’t I just find someone without all the baggage? Was this my destiny? To fall in love with someone who was just out of reach, someone who already had a life before me? Someone who I couldn’t be with in the end?_

_I guess this is the anger part of the five stages of grief, because I am angry. I am furious. I just feel so much and not enough at the same time. I want you like before, but I want you now. I want something that’s different. I don’t want to have to sneak around. I don’t want that. I want you the way I always dreamt it. I want you in a way that you can’t give me and it’s infuriating. It’s maddening. It’s ruining me._

_Yet still, I would give up everything for it. I would give up everything to hear your beautiful British accent again. To touch your soft skin. To admire you’re over-abundance of off-the-wall tattoos. To just, one more time, kiss your lips. To hold you. I would give it all up for you._

_My heart is broken. I am desolate._

_But I am always yours,_

_Niko_

…

During her final year at NYU, Niko was fortunate enough to meet someone – Max. The two met at a New Year’s Eve party. He reminded her a lot of Harry – tall and handsome and so lovely. And Niko wasn’t sure if it was okay to start seeing him because of the fact that he reminded her so much of Harry. She almost cringed at the thought. But he made her feel different – so she knew he was different.

…

_H,_

_I met someone new. And I know he’s not you – that he’ll never compare. But he helps me forget about you – if only temporarily. I can’t say I will ever forget about you, but I can at least put a bandage over the wound that is my gaping heart. I hope wherever you are in your life, that you are happy. And I know you are, because you have Jackson and Avery by your side. I know they are the true loves of your life and I know you are doing everything in your power to keep them safe. You’re an amazing father. I admire that so much. I just want you to be happy._

_—N_

…

_Harry,_

_My body misses me and you. I miss your touch, your love, your kiss. I miss the feel of you. I miss your weight on top of me, holding me in place, loving me. I miss you sneaking into my room at night. I miss meeting you in the pool house each morning. I even miss the nights I spent with you in your bedroom. I miss so much about our time together. And I miss you most late at night when I think about the love we made. Because I know there was nothing we did better. There is nobody in this world who will know my body like you did. There is no one who did for me what you did. And I want you to know that. I want you to know I loved you and you meant the world to me._

_I still love you,_

_Niko_

…

_H—_

_Two years ago I met you. Do you remember? I was standing in the driveway when Zeus walked up to me. I leaned down to pet him and you startled me with your presence – your ethereal presence. I looked up and saw you and you were so beautiful. You were sweaty and shirtless and I swear my libido was going to kill me. I hoped you were the other nanny that was hired – I hoped I’d have someone like you to drool over that summer. But with you I got so much more than I bargained for. And without you, I am left with so little of what I started out with._

_Two years ago brought me you and today I have decided it will be the day I let go of you. This will be my last letter. I am going to try to move on with Max. He has been so wonderful over the past six months – so loving and giving and patient. A lot like you._

_I want to tell you one last time that I love you – one last time that I’m always thinking about you. No one could ever compare to you and that’s the truth, but I can’t keep on like this. I just can’t. So goodbye, Harry. You opened my heart to true love and your memory will always be a reminder of it._

_I love you forever,_

_Nikola_

…

So many letters left unsent. She had a box full hidden under her bed. They were words she knew Harry would never read because she never had the guts to send any of them.


	2. {two}

There she was – age twenty-four – with the world at her fingertips. She just graduated from NYU, she had an amazing man in love with her, she was interning at an ad agency in New York City – she had it all. But what she also had was a constant aching from the wounded organ in her chest – her heart.

She was once in love – she couldn’t say she wasn’t still in love, actually. She still felt him. She didn’t think that would ever go away. But things with them would never work out anyway. Nothing that started with lies and deception could ever really flourish. She and Harry were never truly supposed to be together. He had a wife, he had kids – but that summer, he also had her. And they fell in love. But it wasn’t the right time for them. 

Harry and Julia started their messy divorce that fall and she drug it out for a year, trying to squeeze everything she could out of him. Niko still didn’t know to this day if Julia ever found out about the affair, but she did hear that Harry won full custody of his children – Jackson and Avery. Louis told her.

Louis was the closest thing Niko had to Harry, but she only spoke to him on occasion. Whenever he was in New York, he made it a habit to see her – even if he was with his wife, Elizabeth. Liz and Niko got along great and the two of them would always take Niko out when they were around. She never told them about Max. She never wanted it to get back to Harry that she started seeing someone else. It would just be another heartbreak added to his long list.

Niko met Max at a New Year’s party that year. The first thing she noticed about him was how his eyes were the same shape as Harry’s – but Max’s eye color was more the hue of honey, rather than Harry’s marble green eyes. She was well aware how messed up it was. How could a healthy relationship start when she was constantly comparing Max to Harry? She knew she was going about it the wrong way. She just needed to feel something other than despair and heartbreak.

Niko and Max started off as lovers and nothing more, but over time Max wanted more. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to give him more, but by February, she knew something had to change – that she was slowly losing herself to her depression. And for a while Max lifted her up. She never forgot about Harry, but she could spend time with Max and forget about him – if only for a moment.

Max was twenty-seven and beginning his first year as a partner in a law first in downtown Manhattan. It was an amazing step for him and Niko was incredibly proud of him. But it meant he would be very busy with work, leaving her alone for long hours – thinking of things she no longer should be thinking about.

By June, two years after she met Harry, Niko decided to write one last therapeutic letter about Harry, and then she would be done. Six months of only giving part of herself to Max was unfair to him and she was going to start over – give him everything she could, because he deserved it. Because he was a good man. 

And she knew the next step in her recovery was to finally tell Max about Harry. 

…

Niko took a run to clear her head. She knew that night she would need to tell Max about her former love and she was scared shitless. She knew it had to happen in order for her to move on, but she was nervous. She was nervous about how Max would react to hearing such news – that he had to share her with memories of a man who was never hers to begin with. And she was also nervous to be putting Harry behind her – in all honesty, she didn’t know if she actually could.

Her heart was heavy as she jogged around the park. It was a beautiful day – sun shining, birds chirping, children at play. But she was drowning. She sat down on a park bench to take a breath – to stop her panic attack before it started. Harry’s face was in the forefront of every thought and she knew her heart was breaking all over again. 

“I think I know you,” Niko heard a child’s voice from somewhere next to her. 

It broke her quickly out of her panic attack. Her head was spinning as she looked around to find the voice. She could have sworn her eyes were deceiving her – it couldn’t be…

“Jackson…” Niko gasped.

“ _I’m_ Jackson,” he said, nodding and smiling at her. 

He was older – two years older, but he was still the same kid. He was still the spitting image of his father. Niko’s breathing caught in her chest as the tears welled in her eyes. Was he really standing there, or was he an illusion her mind made up?

“I _do_ know you, don’t I?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Jackson, you shouldn’t talk to strangers,” Niko breathed lowly.

“But you’re not a stranger. I know you and you know me. You knew my name,” he pointed out, looking at her curiously.

“We… we do know each other, but it’s been a long time,” Niko said as a tear streaked down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away.

“Why are you crying?” He asked, his brows furrowing in concern.

“Because I missed you,” she said with a smile.

“What’s your name? Maybe it will help me remember you,” he asked.

“Niko. I’m Niko, Jackson,” she said, smiling as she wiped her tears.

“Niko!” He yelled and threw his arms around her quickly. She hugged him back tightly, missing the hell out of that kid.

“You remember me now?” She laughed as he pulled back to look at her again.

“I do! You said we’d see each other again. Friends forever,” he said, standing in front of her with a wide smile on his face.

“Friends forever,” Niko giggled.

“Who are you here with, buddy?” She asked, looking around. He had to be there with an adult – he was only nine.

“My mom and dad,” he said, pointing across the way. Niko’s heart squeezed tightly thinking about seeing Harry again.

Her line of vision found Harry and Julia sitting on a park bench on the other side of the playground talking to one another. Niko’s heart dropped. _Why were they together?_ She thought they were divorced.

A moment later, Harry stood up from the bench, but Julia stayed seated. Niko watched as he called Avery to him – her ringlet curls bouncing as she ran to him. Niko couldn’t help but smile. She was seven now and looked so grown up from the last time she saw her – so beautiful. Avery jumped into her dad’s arms and he hugged her to him, kissing her on the cheek several times.

When Harry set Avery down, his eyes darted around, looking for Jackson, no less.

“You should go back to your parents,” Niko told Jackson, fearful that she would be seen. As much as she wanted to see Harry, she didn’t know if she could handle actually carrying on a conversation with him.

“But they will want to see you. We all miss you, Niko,” he protested.

Niko looked up to see Harry staring in their direction. He looked frozen – in shock. Niko froze too, her eyes connected with his.

“Dad! Dad, come here!” Jackson said, waving Harry over. 

Harry’s eyes left hers, only to look at his son. And with that, his feet began bringing him closer and closer to them. Niko couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think. She stood up from the park bench as Harry approached.

“Niko…” He whispered. Her heart flourished at the sound of his voice, but she could barely breathe.

“Dad, do you see who I found? She said we would see each other again. She was right, dad. She was right,” Jackson said, tugging at Harry’s shirt.

Niko and Harry both looked down at the nine-year-old and chuckled. He seemed so excited.

“Yeah, buddy. She was right,” Harry said and his eyes found Niko’s again.

“Do you think we could have her over to our house when we come back from Mom’s?” Jackson asked hopefully.

“We’ll see, buddy. We’ll see,” Harry said, kneeling in front of his son. Jackson’s eyes were wide with excitement.

“You’ve got to go with your mum and your sister now though. Okay? They’re waiting for you over there,” Harry told his son.

“Okay. But I really want to play with Niko again. I miss her,” Jackson told his dad.

“We’ll work something out. Okay, mate?” Harry said, smiling at his son.

“Okay,” Jackson said and wrapped his arms around his dad. Harry hugged him back tightly and Niko couldn’t help but smile.

“You have fun with mummy, okay? I’ll be back on Sunday to get you,” Harry told him.

“Okay,” Jackson said, looking at his dad.

“I love you, Jacky,” Harry said and kissed his son’s cheek.

“I love you too, Dad,” Jackson said as they broke their embrace.

“Bye, Niko. I’ll see you soon,” Jackson said, wrapping his arms around her waist quickly.

“Bye, buddy. See you soon,” Niko giggled as she wrapped her arms around him.

With that, Jackson ran off toward his mother and sister. And Niko and Harry were left standing there staring at one another.

Harry looked the same – though his hair was slightly less wild now, but he had the same mesmerizing green eyes. There were also things added to his appearance, like a week’s worth of fine stubble growing on his face and bags under his perfect eyes, which led Niko to believe he had many sleepless nights over the past two years.

As she was looking him over, she noticed he was doing the same with her. She was wondering if he could see the bags under her eyes too and know she was losing sleep over him. And she wondered if his heart was aching in his chest as hers was.

“Niko…” Harry whispered, causing an electrical jolt to run through her being. His voice ignited the deepest fire inside her.

“You… you look amazing,” Harry breathed. Niko blushed and looked bashfully down at her feet.

“How have you been?” He asked, sounding optimistic. 

Niko nodded her head because she wasn’t sure how she should answer. _I’ve been miserable without you, and yourself?_ It didn’t seem right to start off the conversation like that.

“Is this conversation going to be one-sided?” Harry asked, his eyebrows furrowing as she looked back up at him.

“They’re… they’re big,” Niko said suddenly.

“Who? Jackson and Avery? Yeah, they’ve grown,” he said, giving her a crooked smile.

“I miss them,” she told him honestly.

“They miss you,” he said with a small smile.

“Jackson barely remembered me,” she told him, waving it off.

“He remembers, Niko,” Harry told her matter-of-factly and she nodded in comprehension.

“You and Julia…?” Niko asked, but stopped herself. It wasn’t her place to ask.

“Divorced. I was just meeting her here to drop off the kids for the weekend. She lives in New York now. Closer to _work_ ,” he said, putting an emphasis on the last word and gave a little chuckle. Niko smiled, but felt awkward. _Of course she was still a work-whore_.

“She gets them every other weekend. It works for her, I guess, but the kids really miss their mother,” Harry said, looking off into the distance. Niko could see the pain in his eyes when he talked about his kids’ feelings toward the divorce.

“How are they doing… with the divorce and all?” Niko asked, trying to keep up the neutral conversation, because she knew she couldn’t handle delving into talking about _them_.

“They’re strong. It was hard at first, realizing their parents weren’t going to be together anymore. But they’re coping. They’re my little warriors,” Harry said, smiling softly.

“I’m glad. Louis told me you got full custody. I’m so happy for you,” she told him with a smile.

“Thanks. Yeah, Louis told me he kept in touch with you. That’s nice,” Harry said, giving her a weak smile.

“Yeah, he and Liz have been good friends to me,” Niko said, looking at her feet again.

“I’m glad,” Harry breathed. The two of them were silent for a few moments before Harry spoke again.

“Can I… can I take you out to dinner or something? Are you hungry?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers in a hopeful look.

“That would be nice,” she said, smiling at him.

“Do you want to go then, now?” He asked, pointing his thumb over his shoulder.

“Sure, but can we stop at my place first? I need to change out of my running clothes,” she told him.

“I didn’t know you ran,” he said with a sideways smile.

“Yeah, it’s just something I picked up,” she said, smiling to herself as they began to walk side-by-side.

In all honesty, it was something Niko took up because of something Harry told her in the past. He told her running cleansed him, centered him, cleared his head. She took it up to see if she could gain the same things out of it as he got from it – and she did. It helped a lot with the depression – it got her out of her apartment, it got her blood flowing. And she’d been doing it ever since.

Harry walked Niko to his car and even opened the door for her. She felt a little awkward being with him, but that was expected. She gave him directions to her apartment and he drove her there. He insisted on coming up, giving the excuse that he had to make sure she was doing okay. She wasn’t, but her apartment wasn’t going to reflect that. She was a perfectionist by nature, so her apartment wasn’t in the same shambles as her heart was.

Niko left Harry in the living room as she moved to her bedroom to strip out of her clothing.

“I’m going to hop in the shower real quick – rinse my body,” she yelled out to him.

“Okay,” he called back.

Niko pulled her hair up into a bun and stepped under the hot spray of the shower. She cleaned herself quickly, making sure not to get her hair wet – she didn’t want to look like a drown rat when she went out to dinner with her long lost love.

After the shower, Niko put on a floral sundress and a pair of flip flops. She brushed through her hair and placed it up into a French twist. She went with minimal make-up – just a little eye shadow and mascara and enough cover-up to hide the faint black circles under her eyes. She looked herself over one last time in the mirror as her heart raced in her chest. She was nervous.

Walking out of her bedroom, she found Harry seated on her couch, looking out the window.

“Are you ready?” She asked and his attention immediately turned to her.

“Yeah. Your view is amazing,” Harry said, nodding toward her window.

“It is,” she said with a smile as Harry made his way toward her.

“You look stunning,” he cooed, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

His touch – his kiss after two years without it awoken her. It was like she had been hibernating and she was finally able to arise. She smiled at him as she made her way to the door.

The two of them went to a small little Italian restaurant Harry recommended. He spent a lot of time in New York during his teens and early twenties and knew a lot about the city. He was a world traveler after all – a superstar.

“I have a confession to make,” Niko told him as they sat in their dimly lit booth at the restaurant.

“What’s that?” He asked, smirking at her.

“I-I kind of regressed back into a teenager,” she giggled, biting at her lip bashfully. She had a full glasses of wine at that point and her inhibitions were lowered. Harry looked at her with a crooked grin on his face.

“What does that mean?” He laughed, quirking his eyebrow.

“I’ve spent a lot of time watching your old concert DVD’s and listening to your old albums,” she told him as a blush crept up her face. Harry let out a boisterous laugh.

“Why would you do a thing like that?” He chuckled.

“Because I missed you,” she breathed lowly. His laughter subsided and his smile faded as he watched her.

“I missed you too,” he told her sincerely. 

Silence engulfed them. Neither of them knew how to move on from that. Niko was caught up in her thoughts of missing him and it seemed like Harry was deep in thought too. The two of them sat there silently for a few long moments, until their waitress brought their food, breaking them both out of their heads.

The two of them made neutral chit-chat throughout dinner. The conversation never got too heavy. She told him about how she graduated from NYU and now was interning at an ad agency in Manhattan. Harry told her that nothing much changed for him, except for the divorce. His life revolved around his children. But he also told her he spent his free time writing and playing his music, which she was happy to hear. He was such a brilliant musician.

After dinner, Harry drove Niko home and walked her to the door.

“I had a lot of fun, Neeks,” he said, smiling at her. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest as he used his nickname for her. _Eeeh_. A smile erupted on her face and she couldn’t hold it back.

“You could… you could come up, if you wanted to. We could have some coffee and just talk. I miss having coffee with you,” she told him and he smiled fondly at her.

“Okay,” he said with a small nod.

Harry followed her into the building and into the elevator. The two of them were silent on the way up, the anticipation nearly killing Niko.

“Niko, I just want you to know how much I missed you,” Harry told her as they walked into her apartment.

“I missed you the same, Harry,” she told him honestly.

“I wanted to… I wanted to call, to get in touch with you so many times, but after the divorce, the long, tiring battle I had with Julia, I didn’t know if it would be right. It had been so long. I figured you moved on,” he said, hanging his head.

“I never moved on from you. You’ve always been in my heart,” she told him softly. Harry looked up into her eyes, looking so hopeful.

Seconds later he took a step toward her and his lips were on hers. _Yes_. Niko’s fingers tangled in his hair and he was pulling her as close as he could to his body. It was like magic, like she just got everything she always wanted – because all she wanted was him.

“ _Oh, god_ , Harry,” Niko moaned as his passionate kisses trailed down her neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” Harry moaned against her skin.

Niko knew it was inevitable. She knew they were magnets being pulled together. There was no use fighting it. 

She slowly began to walk them to her bedroom, but Harry took the initiative and lifted her up against him. Niko wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her into the bedroom, all the while kissing her.

He dropped her down on the bed and looked down at her, his eyes swirling with lust.

“I want you so bad right now, Niko,” he said breathlessly as he watched her.

“Please, Harry. I’m yours,” she gasped desperately.

And with that, his body and his lips were back on her. Harry pulled her dress swiftly over her head and her hands immediately went to unbuttoning his jeans.

“ _Oh, god_. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed this,” Harry said as his hands roamed across her chest.

“It’s been way too long,” she said as she pushed his jeans down his hips.

He quickly pulled off his shirt as Niko unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the floor. But a moment later, her focus was back on him, pushing his boxer briefs down over his ass. Niko eyed him a moment before she slipped her hand around his shaft and began pumping it slowly in her hand.

“ _Oh, god_ , baby. So… so good,” he moaned.

A moment later, she sank to her knees, wrapping her mouth around it, beginning a slow, torturous rhythm.

“Oh my god. _So_ good, Niko,” Harry moaned, choking out a breath. 

His fingers intertwined into her hair as she bobbed up and down his shaft. She wanted to give him so much pleasure. She wanted to give him everything. She sucked and licked and teased him until he was almost to his end. 

“Neeks. _Neeks_ ,” he cooed, gripping his fingers below her chin to get her to let up.

Niko pulled her mouth off of him, looking up into his hooded, lust-filled eyes.

“You’re so amazing,” he said, looking down at her and she couldn’t help but smile up at him.

“I am ready for you. I’ve waited two years, Niko. I am ready,” he breathed with a smile. 

Niko couldn’t be sure if he was referring to being ready for sex, or being ready for _them_ – but either way, it made blood pump through her cold dead heart.

Niko slipped onto the bed and Harry crawled on top of her, his hands grazing up her body in the process.

“You’re so beautiful, Nikola. Do you know that?” He cooed. Niko looked into his eyes, but couldn’t respond.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” He asked again.

“You make me beautiful,” she told him. He smiled before his lips met hers again.

She didn’t think Harry could control his hands even if he wanted to. He was like a kid in a candy store – he had to touch everything. He was exploring her body with his mouth and hands, completely enjoying himself – acting as if he hadn’t been intimate with anyone in a long time. And then it hit her – he probably hadn’t. _Oh, god_. She might have been the last person he slept with. He went through the divorce and he… _oh, god_. She felt like she betrayed him by not waiting.

“What’s the matter?” Harry asked, noticing the tension her body took on.

“Hmm?” She asked, trying to play it off.

“Where did you go? You looked like you were lost in your own mind for a second,” Harry asked, smirking down at her.

“Oh, uh. I was just thinking about our… last time,” she told him, and technically she wasn’t lying.

“I think about it a lot too,” Harry said, smiling at her. Niko smiled at him before reaching up to kiss him again. _Less talking, more loving_.

Harry got up on his knees, reaching down to take ahold the side of her panties, pulling the obstructive fabric down her legs. With a flick of her foot, they were discarded onto the floor and Harry was crawling back up to connect his lips to hers.

“I’ve waited so long for this,” Harry breathed against the warm skin of her neck.

“Mm-hmm,” she moaned. A second later he slipped inside of her.

“ _Mm_ ,” she hummed, sounding so entirely breathless.

“You feel so amazing, Niko,” Harry grunted as he began slowly moving in and out of her.

Niko felt like she was back where she belonged. She felt like _Neverland_ when Peter Pan came home – the ice melted and the flowers bloomed. Harry was home to her and she felt alive again.

“Oh, god. Oh… _god_ ,” she moaned breathlessly as Harry pumped harder and faster to get them both what they needed.

It wasn’t long before they were both spilling themselves for each other. As Harry came, he pressed his lips hard against Niko’s. And when he pulled away she was left feeling dizzy and light-headed.

Harry collapsed down on the bed next to her with a soft grunt.

“That was amazing,” Harry said breathlessly.

“Mm-hmm,” she hummed, still trying to catch her breath.

Niko turned toward him, cuddling up into him as he wrapped his arm around her, holding her close to him. Her love for him never faded over the years, it never faltered and now here he was. And a part of her couldn’t believe how easy it happened.

Niko kissed his collarbone and then the side of his neck, then his razor-sharp jawline before he leaned over to connect their lips again. He was just so beautiful – made by angels.

“What is that?” Harry asked, breaking the kiss.

“What is what?” She asked, confused. She was so caught up in her own thoughts and emotions.

“I hear music,” he said, sitting up on his elbows. Niko sat up, cocking her ear to hear it.

“My cell phone,” she said, quickly getting out of bed. The phone finished its ringtone loop and went to voicemail, but she went to the living room to get it anyway.

She found her purse discarded on the floor in the foyer – they got caught up in the moment and all. She grabbed it off the floor and brought it back to the bedroom. As she sat down on the bed to search for it, it began ringing again. She found it more quickly since it was now vibrating and lit up in her purse.

As soon as she pulled it out, she regretted it. _Max_. Her stomach dropped. She had her ex-lover in her bed while her current one was calling her.

“Are you going to answer it?” She heard Harry ask, his voice startling her.

Niko reluctantly slid the bar on the screen to answer it.

“H-hello?” She stammered, her face heating up quickly.

“Hi, sweetheart. Why didn’t you answer your phone before?” Max asked.

“Oh, I-I didn’t get to it in time,” she told him.

“Oh, okay. Well, I just wanted to let you know I finally got out of the office. We were working all day on this case. It’s going to be the death of me,” he informed her. Niko swallowed back the bile in her throat, feeling like a complete snake.

“Do you want me to come over?” Max asked her.

“What? No, no. You go home and get some sleep. I’m tired anyway,” she told him.

“Oh, okay. Will I see you tomorrow?” He asked hopefully.

“Uh, yeah,” she said, biting her lip.

“Okay then, baby. I’m going to get going then,” Max said.

“Alright,” she breathed lowly.

“I love you,” he cooed.

“Mm-hmm. You too,” she mumbled, feeling incredibly awkward.

“Goodnight,” he said finally.

“’Night,” she said before ending the phone call. 

She felt extremely guilty and she was having trouble breathing correctly as her heart pounded hard in her chest. She couldn’t get herself to face Harry. She sat on the edge of the bed with her back to him

“I thought you weren’t seeing anyone – that you never moved on,” she heard Harry’s voice from behind her.

“Harry…” Niko said quietly, still unable to turn around.

“What was this, Niko?” Harry asked, standing up from the bed.

“Harry, I’m sorry,” she said, finally looking at him as he replaced his boxers back on his body.

“You’re sorry? You _lied_ to me,” he said, sounding upset.

“I didn’t lie,” she said softly.

“You didn’t tell me!” He snapped.

“Harry…” Niko said sadly as she felt the pain and the tears washing over her.

“You have a boyfriend and you… you had sex with me?” He asked, his expression and tone angry.

“You had a wife,” she said quietly and regretted it as soon as it came out of her mouth. Harry scoffed as he dug around for the rest of his clothes.

“Brilliant. Just perfect. I waited for you for two years and you don’t even have the decency to tell me you moved on,” Harry said, putting his shirt back on.

“I didn’t move on!” Niko yelled.

“You have a _boyfriend!”_ He shot at her.

“I waited, Harry! I waited and you didn’t come back. I waited and waited. I cried for months. I felt like I cried every ounce of moisture out of my body for you and you never came back. I’m still heartbroken, okay. I didn’t move on!” Niko yelled, standing up from her place on the bed. The tears were coming fast now – in gushes from their ducts.

“I can’t do this, Niko. I can’t start this with you if you’re not fully here,” Harry said as he pulled his jeans up.

“You told me you’d come back and I waited – but I met Max and he… he made the pain go away for awhile and I thought, why not? Why not give it a try? Harry, I waited a year and a half for you. I was alone for a year and a half,” she cried. She sat back down on the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest, crying – just crying.

“Niko…” Harry said, his voice softening. Her sobs filled the air.

“I can’t do this. I can’t bring you back into my kids’ lives if you’re not going to be…” He cut himself off. She was sobbing – just sobbing.

“I’ve… I’ve gotta go,” she heard him say. She didn’t react.

Seconds later she heard her apartment door open and then close. And the silence was deafening. A moment later, she began to panic. She threw on her dress and ran to her front door, throwing it open.

“Harry! Harry! _No_ ,” she cried as she frantically looked down the apartment hallway. He was gone. And she let him go.


	3. {three}

A week – Niko spent the better part of a week crying and depressed over Harry after he walked out of her life again. Max was so used to her mood swings that it didn’t even phase him anymore. He just comforted her when he was around and tried to be a shoulder for her to cry on. The man probably thought she was bipolar or something.

Max was staying with her the next weekend to keep her company, as he put it. He was busy all week with his work at the firm, so he wasn’t really around – which was fine by Niko, since she just wanted to be alone anyway. But he insisted on being there for her that weekend.

“What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?” Max asked as he flipped through channels on the TV.

“I don’t care,” Niko mumbled, shrugging her shoulders as she sat next to him with her knees up to her chest.

“We could get some Chinese from that place down the street,” he offered and she shrugged again.

“Or pizza?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“I don’t care,” she told him. Her indifferent attitude was not lost on him.

“You’ve got to give me something here, baby,” Max sighed heavily.

“Chinese,” she told him, finally giving him an answer – giving him what he wanted.

“Okay, do I even dare ask you what you want?” Max asked, heightening his eyebrows at her.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” she told him. He nodded, getting up to get his phone to call in their order.

There was a knock at the door a moment later, causing Niko to grumble. She figured it was her landlord. He was such a nosy bastard.

“Can you get that?” She asked Max once he grabbed his phone.

“Yeah,” he said, walking toward the small foyer.

Niko grabbed the remote and started flipping channels. There was seriously nothing on – so much for Saturday night TV.

“Babe? There’s someone here for you,” Max called to her. _Ugh._ She really didn’t want to talk to her landlord. She groaned inwardly as she got up from the couch and made her way to the door. She gasped noticeably when she saw who it was.

“Harry! What are you doing here?” She asked, gripping onto her chest where her startled heart began beating rapidly. Harry was staring at Max, but looked at her when she spoke to him.

“Uh…” Harry stammered, his words failing him. Niko noticed Max’s head volleying back and forth between two of them, making her feel incredibly awkward.

“Uh, Max, this is Harry. Harry is the father of some kids I used to be a nanny for a couple years back,” Niko said awkwardly as her face blushed hot. Max stuck out his hand to shake Harry’s.

“I’m Max, Nikola’s boyfriend,” Max introduced himself, smiling as he shook Harry’s hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Harry said, shaking Max’s hand. Niko stood there watching the two of them, biting at her fingernail. She felt like she might be having a heart attack.

“So…” Niko said quietly once the introductions were over.

“I’m going to go order the food, babe. It was nice to meet you Harry,” Max said, smiling over at him.

“Likewise,” Harry told him.

Max kissed her temple before he moved into the bedroom, his gesture starting some sort of silent pissing contest between him and the only other male in the room. It was juvenile and it caused Niko to seethe a bit.

“Harry, what are you doing here?” Niko asked him quietly.

“Are you kidding me, Niko?” Harry said, letting out a dark chuckle to match the dark expression on his face.

“What?” She asked, feeling confused.

“That guy looks _just_ like me!” Harry said in complete awe.

“He… he does not,” she stammered. He did and she knew it.

“Yeah… he _does_ ,” Harry said, shaking his head.

Niko washed her hands down her face in frustration before letting out a sigh.

“Why are you here, Harry?” She mumbled. 

She felt embarrassed that he saw through her desperation. He saw how she tried to replace the void he left in her life. It was pathetic. She knew it. 

But no matter how desperate and pathetic her relationship with Max started, over time he became someone she really cared for. He loved her. She didn’t understand it, because she wasn’t that lovable anymore. But he loved her. And he was a good man. He wanted what was best for her and tried his best to make her happy – even though he was fighting a losing battle.

“The kids have been asking about you,” Harry spoke quietly. _The kids_ – her favorite kids in the whole wide world.

“They-they want to see me?” She asked hopefully.

“Of course they want to see you,” he shot back. His tone was full of annoyance – like how dare she even question him. Niko furrowed her brows as she watched him.

“You promised you would keep in touch with them, Niko. That’s the only reason I’m here – to make sure you don’t go back on your promise. Please don’t do that to them,” Harry said with desperation in his voice. He didn’t want his kids to be let down.

“I would never go back on my promise,” she told him quietly.

“Good. Are you busy tomorrow during the day?” He asked, getting right down to the point.

“No,” she said simply. She was never busy on weekends. The only time she was ever busy was when she was at her internship. Other than that, she lived a pretty clandestine existence.

“Do you think you could come by in the afternoon to see them?” He questioned.

“At your house?” She choked out.

“Yeah. I can give you the address,” Harry told her.

“I-I still have it – from when I interviewed for the job,” she stammered awkwardly.

“Okay. Just… come by then,” he told her.

“I-I will,” she said as her heart beat hopefully. She was so happy the kids wanted to see her. She missed them so much.

“Thanks,” he said before turning down the hallway. He didn’t say another word, not even a goodbye and Niko knew she fucked up bad.

She watched him walk to the elevator. He didn’t look back until he was in it. Their eyes were focused on one another until the elevator door closed and then he was gone _again_.

“So, who was that?” Max asked from behind her and she jumped at the sound of his voice.

“Jesus! You scared me,” she said, holding her chest. 

Max cocked an eyebrow at her questioningly as she closed the apartment door. She didn’t really want to have this conversation. She didn’t want to get into anything with him.

“I told you. He’s the father of some kids I was a nanny for,” she said again.

“You never told me you were a nanny,” Max said, looking at her curiously.

She never told him, because she couldn’t justify digging up her feelings about Harry by talking about her nanny position.

“Yeah. I spent a summer in Malibu, California as an au pair for this really rich family,” she said, shrugging it off.

“He looks really familiar,” Max said, furrowing his brow. _Because he looks just like you!_

“I don’t know. He, uh… he used to be famous, I guess,” she said nonchalantly. Max looked at her curiously, yet skeptically.

“He was in a boy band, I guess,” she said, shrugging it off. She absolutely hated talking about Harry with Max.

“Oh. Hmm,” Max said, nodding his head. _Just drop it already._

“He’s British,” Max pointed out a moment later.

“ _Mm-hmm_ ,” Niko hummed, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly as she sat down on the couch again.

“So, what did he want?” Max asked, continuing the conversation. _Damn it, seriously_. She _really_ didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

“Uh, I saw him and his kids at the park yesterday. I haven’t seen them in two years,” she said awkwardly.

“What was he doing here?” Max asked curiously. _What the hell was with the twenty questions?_

“Uh, he came by to let me know the kids would like to see me again,” she explained, looking away from him, going silent. And just when she thought he was going to drop it, he spoke again. 

“So, how did he know where you lived?” Max questioned. Niko’s insides were a jumbled mess, causing her entire body to become rigid with his questioning.

“I gave him my information – you know, in case he needed a nanny again,” she said, lying through her teeth.

“Oh, okay,” he said, finally satisfied with her answers.

“Uh, he wants me to come by to see the kids tomorrow,” she told him. She had to tell him, because he had plans to stay at her apartment all weekend.

“Oh… okay,” Max said, looking a bit disappointed.

“I’m sorry. I know you planned on hanging out. I-I… I just haven’t seen them in so long. They’re my favorite kids. I miss them,” she said, looking down at the floor. The timid way she was acting made her feel like Mary and she hated it.

“No, baby. It’s okay. It will be good for you to get out of the house. I can get started on some work I need to get done for the case,” he said, rubbing his hands up and down her thigh to comfort her.

Niko looked into his honey colored eyes and saw how sympathetic they looked. Why was this bold, confident man with such a meek, sad person like her? She would never understand it.

Harry changed her. She used to be outgoing and free-spirited – saying just what was on her mind, having fun and laughing all the time. Now she was a mopey, shut-in with unrealistic hopes for the future. She spent the last two years completely focused on her schoolwork – which in turned helped her graduate early – so she wouldn’t have enough time to really deal with any of her feelings about Harry.

She wanted the old Niko back. She wanted her old life back – before Harry Styles.

…

The next day Niko found herself standing on the doorstep of Harry’s sprawling New Jersey home – the home he once shared with his wife. The home she interviewed in for the au pair position.

She was incredibly nervous. Her mouth was dry, her knees were weak. She could feel the sweat forming on her brow, feeling like she might just pass out. This was a moment in her life where she just wanted to slap herself because she was annoying herself.

She took a deep breath – _inhale, exhale_ – before plunging her finger into the doorbell. Her heart pounded profusely in her chest as a matronly woman answered the door. _Who the…?_ Was she at the right house?

“Can I help you?” She asked, furrowing her eyebrow.

“Who are you?” Niko blurted out. The woman’s expression changed from curious to offended in a matter of seconds.

“Who are _you?”_ The lady asked, acting appalled over the fact that Niko was asking who she was when she was standing at _her_ door.

“I’m Niko,” she said with a little bit of attitude.

“I’m Patty – the housekeeper and nanny,” she said, turning her nose up at Niko.

“Oh,” she said as her shoulders dropped, feeling a bit relieved.

“Can I _help_ you?” Patty asked again.

“I’m here to see the kids,” Niko told her.

“The kids? And you are…?” She asked, being protective of the children – which kind of made Niko mad, but she completely understood why she was and was also kind of glad Harry found someone who would keep the kids safe.

“I’m their old nanny,” she told her.

“And is your visit expected?” She asked, pursing her lips tightly.

“Mr. Styles _invited_ me,” Niko snapped at her.

“Why don’t I go get Mr. Styles? Wait here, please,” Patty said. Niko nodded and she shut the door in her face, causing Niko to grumble to herself _._

She stood there feeling like a complete idiot. This was ridiculous. She was annoyed. And she could only assume it was because that lady had her old job and she was jealous. She was feeling rather territorial, even though she had no right at all.

A few minutes later, Harry threw open the door – Patty the nanny behind him.

“Niko, I’m glad you could make it,” he told her. He wasn’t smiling – he didn’t look _glad_. Just having him in her presence made her heart swell in delight.

“Harry,” Niko said, nodding at him, keeping the smile off of her face as well.

“I’ll bring you to the kids,” Harry said, moving aside to let her in.

Niko followed Harry into the living room where Jackson and Avery were watching a movie on TV.

“Look who’s here, kiddos,” Harry said and both kids turned around to see.

“ _Niiiiikko!”_ Jackson screamed as he jumped up from the couch and ran to her. He plowed into her arms and Niko hugged him tightly against her.

“Hi, buddy! I missed you!” She told him excitedly.

“I missed you too! Are you here to play?” Jackson asked hopefully.

“Of course I am! All day long if you want,” she told him.

“All day!?” Jackson asked excitedly.

“All day!” She said, smiling at him.

“Ave, do you remember, Niko?” Harry asked his daughter, as the now seven-year-old stood with her arms wrapped around his waist.

“I don’t know,” she said. It kind of broke Niko’s heart, but she knew Avery was so young back then. Harry knelt down in front of Avery.

“Do you remember when we went to California the summer before you started kindergarten?” Harry asked her and she nodded her head.

“Do you remember having mommy and daddy and Uncle Louis there?” Harry asked and she nodded her head again.

“Do you remember the two ladies you and your brother spent time with that summer? Mary and Niko?” Harry asked. Avery looked from her dad to Niko – back and forth a few times. Then she nodded.

“This is Niko, baby. Do you remember her?” Harry asked and she nodded again.

“Well, she came to play with you and Jacky. She’s really missed you two,” Harry told her and a big smile washed over Avery’s face.

“That’s my girl,” Harry said, smiling at his daughter, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Eventually Avery warmed up to Niko again and they all played around like old times. Patty, the nanny, was off in the background doing the kids’ laundry and making dinner. Harry left the three of them alone for a while, but eventually came to sit with them as they played. Niko tried to not let his presence bother her, but she could feel his heated glaze on her constantly.

Jackson invited Niko to have dinner with them and Harry nodded his approval. Niko kept her focus on the kids during dinner, trying not to start or add to any of the conversations that Harry or Patty started.

By bedtime, the kids were wiped out from all the playing they did during the day. Niko helped Harry and Patty get them ready for bed before Niko and Harry tucked them in like old times.

“Are you going to be here in the morning when I wake up?” Jackson asked Niko.

“Sorry, buddy. I have to go back to my own house,” she told him. A look of disappointment washed over him.

“But I’ll come back to play some time soon,” she told him.

“You will?” He asked excitedly.

“I promise,” she said with a smile, which satisfied him.

Niko and Harry walked out of his room together. She felt completely awkward because it was just the two of them now. Nanny Patty was off for the night.

“Uh, where’s Zeus?” Niko asked of the family dog.

“We, uh had to put him down almost a year ago already,” Harry said, looking somber.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Harry,” Niko said sadly.

“It’s okay. He had a good, long life,” Harry said, shrugging his shoulders.

The two of them stood awkwardly in the hallway for a few moments. Niko knew they needed to talk. So much needed to be said.

“Can… can we talk?” Niko asked him hopefully.

“What do you want to talk about?” He asked, eyeing her.

“I don’t know… about the past two years…” Niko said, digging her hands deep into the front pockets of her jeans. She felt more than a little uncomfortable, but she knew the two of them needed to talk about what happened.

“About your boyfriend?” He asked with a bitter tone. Niko’s vision fell to her feet as her heart sank.

“You’re not being fair,” she said quietly.

“I’m sorry. I’m just hurt,” he admitted, his voice softening.

“I’m sorry too,” she said, wanting to break down and cry. But she swallowed it down and looked up at him.

“I did wait for you, Harry. And I was a mess. I’m still a mess,” she told him truthfully.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“I met Max this past New Year. And yes, I started seeing him because he… he looked _similar_ to you. I was alone for so long and then he came along and I figured ‘ _Why not? Maybe he could try to help me to forget for a while’_ – and he did. And then… then things got more serious between us. He loves me, Harry,” she told him as her tears threatened to fall.

“Do you love him?” He asked carefully.

“He’s a good man,” she said, not answering on purpose.

“But do you love him?” Harry asked again.

“I don’t know,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Do you still love me?” He asked, his words even.

“Always,” she told him honestly.

With that his lips crashed into hers with such maddening want and need. And she was kissing him back just the same.


	4. {four}

Harry led Niko into his bedroom, all the while kissing her like he would never let her go.

"Niko, you're all I want... even after all this time," Harry breathed against her hot flesh.

" _Oh, god,"_ she moaned.

He was all she wanted too, but she had _Max_. Max was loyal and loving and she didn't know if she could break his heart like this. Her body tensed and her mood immediately changed from the realization.

"What's the matter?" Harry asked, looking into her eyes.

"I-I..." She stuttered. She couldn't find the words she needed to say.

"You don't want me?" He asked, his brow furrowing sadly.

"No, no – Harry. Of course I want you," she said, gripping gently onto his face.

"But?" He asked, his eyes darting back and forth between hers.

"But... Max..." She breathed lowly. Harry's expression fell and he let out a sigh before he moved her hands from his face, taking a step back.

"But you... you don't even know if you love him," Harry said somberly.

"That doesn't mean I can just... that I can just..." Niko stammered as tears filled her eyes.

"But you already did... you've already done _this_..." Harry said through gritted teeth. Guilt washed over her in waves.

"Harry..." Niko said, looking him in the eyes.

"I love you, Niko. I _love_ you. I-I don't want to lose you," he pleaded. He looked so vulnerable.

"I-I don't want to lose you either," Niko cried.

"Then just let me love you," Harry sighed, taking a step closer to her.

Niko hesitated for a second, but threw herself at him, kissing him with force. He reciprocated immediately, moaning into her kiss.

It escalated fast from there. Harry's movements were hasty and rough – as if he felt like if he didn't go fast enough, she would change her mind again. Niko was just as eager as he was though – ripping her clothing off in swift, fluid motions. She wanted him inside her. She wanted her fix.

Harry was on top of her within moments. But as fast as it started, Harry's movement slowed down as his lips met with hers again. His hips were moving against hers, but he wasn't entering. He began trailing kisses down her neck, her chest, her stomach – really worshiping her.

"Oh, Niko. You are a goddess," Harry moaned as he kissed each one of her hips. Niko moaned at the feel of his mouth on her.

His kisses moved lower, until his mouth was on her and his tongue licked up her cleft. The feeling was incredible. Harry continued, causing Niko to moan almost too loudly. She missed his _magical_ tongue.

" _Oh, god_ ," she moaned.

His mouth was hot and moved fast, causing Niko to shake below him. She gripped the sheets within her fingertips. He moaned against her and the vibration of it made the pleasure that much more intense. He was amazing. And as she reached her end, the pleasure ravished her body – the sex radiating off of her, moans erupting from deep within her.

"God, Harry. _Oh, god,_ " she said breathlessly as he slithered his way back up her body through her opened legs. The smile on his face was absolutely beautiful.

" _Mm_ ," Niko sighed, feeling completely sated. But Harry wasn't done with her yet.

His mouth met her nipple, tugging it and sucking it with his lips before doing the same with the other one.

"I just want you so much, love," he groaned as his hips bucked into her.

"I'm here, Harry. I am here," she assured him.

He kissed her deep and hard, before he pressed himself inside of her. They both let out a low moan as he pressed in deeper. As he began his rhythm the pleasure intensified, causing Niko to pant loudly. Harry built it up and built it up. He drove in deep and hard – causing Niko to gasp each and every time. His thrusts were rigid and forceful – and Niko had tears in her eyes. Not from sadness, nor from happiness, but from pleasure.

" _Please. Don't. Stop_ ," Niko breathed through her gasps.

Harry pushed in harder and deeper than Niko even thought possible – over and over, causing her to spill herself all around him.

"Oh my god. _Oh my god_ ," she groaned as her fingernails dug into his flesh.

His face was buried in the nape of her neck – his breathing was labored and the only sounds he was making were low grunts as he continued his rampage.

" _Fuck_. Oh, fuck," he moaned as Niko felt his body tense and release inside of her and she knew he came to his end too.

His body collapsed on top of hers, no longer able to keep himself up. Niko just held him against her, kissing his shoulder and neck as he tried to catch his breath. They laid there for a long time in each other's arms. She just held him, never wanting to let him go – but she knew she had to. She knew she couldn't spend the night. She knew she had to go home.

"Harry... I should... I should go," she told him reluctantly.

"I wish you could stay," he breathed against her temple as they held each other.

"You know I can't," she sighed as her heart tightened.

"I know," he said, sounding disappointed.

"But I'll come back to visit the kids," she told him.

"And me?" He asked hopefully.

"And you," she said, looking up at him as the two of them smiled at each other.

"Okay," he said, rolling off of her.

Niko sat up and reluctantly got out of the warm bed, searching for her discarded clothes. Harry put his boxers back on and watched as she clothed herself. Once she was decent, he came over to kiss her.

"I love you, you know that right?" He asked, looking down in her eyes.

"I love you too," she breathed.

"Someday you and I will finally be together without obstacles," he told her. She let out a small scoff of a laugh.

"Someday," she told him as she leaned up to kiss him again.

Harry walked Niko out to the hallway.

"God, I don't want you to go," Harry said as he pushed her up against the wall, kissing her as his hand slipped up the front of her shirt, grabbing onto her breast. She giggled as he pressed his body into hers.

"Daddy?" They heard a tiny little voice.

Harry flew away from Niko in an instant, looking over at his daughter. Niko stood frozen against the wall, her fingers pressed to her battered lips that were still warm from Harry's.

"Ave, what are you still doing up?" Harry asked, walking toward his daughter.

"I had to go potty," she stated matter-of-factly.

Harry was frozen staring at his daughter, unsure of what to say next – unsure of how much she saw.

"Is Niko going to be our new mommy?" Avery asked, looking over at her still standing with her back against the wall.

"Oh, honey," Harry said, kneeling in front of her. Niko was absolutely freaking out.

"You were kissing her. You kiss her because you love her, right?" Avery asked curiously.

"Avery..." Harry sighed.

"I like Niko. She's a good mommy," Avery stated matter-of-factly.

"Avery, you already have a mommy," Harry told her carefully.

"But Niko plays Barbie's with me," Avery said, pulling a face. Niko couldn't help but giggle silently. She had him there.

"Baby, that's not the way it works," Harry told her.

"But mommy doesn't play Barbie's with me. I like Niko better," Avery said, stomping her foot – having a semi-tantrum in the hallway. Niko bit her lip to keep the smirk off of her face.

"Daddy and Niko are just friends, baby," Harry tried to explain, but Avery was much too smart for that.

"But you kiss her. Grown-ups kiss when they love each other," Avery countered.

"Avery, honey..." Harry sighed.

"I don't want mommy as my mommy anymore. I want Niko!" Avery said, getting upset.

"Baby, it doesn't work that way. You need to act like a big girl, please. You're too old for temper tantrums," Harry told her sternly. Avery crossed her arms over her chest and huffed.

"March back to bed, please," Harry told her. She gave him another grumpy face.

"Avery Rose Styles. Bed. Now," Harry said and pointed to her bedroom door.

"Fine," she said, spinning on her heels before she stomped to her room.

"Goodnight. I love you," Harry said before she rounded the corner into her room. She huffed again before shutting her door behind her.

"She's only seven and she's got so much attitude already," Harry said, shaking his head as he turned back to Niko. She couldn't help but smirk at him.

"What?" He asked, smiling back at her.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head.

"I guess we've been caught red-handed," Harry said, letting out a laugh.

"I guess we need to be a little more careful," Niko giggled.

"I guess so," he said, pushing himself up against her again.

"I see you're following that rule carefully," Niko giggled as his lips connected to her neck.

"Mm-hmm," he hummed against her skin.

"Harry, I really should be going... Harry..." She protested, letting out a giggle as he bit her neck gently.

"Do you have to?" He groaned against her skin.

"I do," she told him.

" _Uhhh_ ," he whined.

"I'll be back soon," she promised. Harry reluctantly pulled his mouth away from her neck and took a step back.

"Julia has the kids on Tuesday night. You could come over," he offered.

"Hmm, maybe," she said, contemplating his offer. Max would probably be working.

"Think about it," he said before he kissed her lips.

"Mm-hmm," she hummed. She put her hands on his chest and gave him a little shove.

"I've gotta go, _Mr. Styles_ ," she said, smirking at him. He giggled at the name.

"I'll walk you to the door," he offered.

"Good. I might get lost in this palace," she joked.

"Yeah, whatever," he said, rolling his eyes as he took her hand in his.

Harry walked Niko down to the door and once again attacked her with his lips. As they made out by the door, she heard a noise from behind them. It was Patty coming from the kitchen in her oversized men's pajamas – apparently she was a live-in nanny.

Niko pushed Harry by the chest again and his lips parted from hers.

"What?" He questioned.

"We've been caught again," she said, looking over his shoulder.

Patty was making her way down the hallway away from them when he turned around. She couldn't even imagine what it looked like to her – Harry in only boxers, Niko being walked to the door over an hour after the kids were put to bed. Okay, she could certainly imagine what it looked like. They definitely looked like they just fucked each other. Niko giggled at the thought of it.

"What?" Harry asked, smiling at her.

"We just got caught by your seven-year-old daughter and now your prudish-looking nanny," Niko said, bringing up the back of her hand to stifle her laughter. Harry let out his own laugh, which only made her laugh more.

"You're not doing her too are you?" Niko joked.

" _Oh, yeah,"_ Harry said in the most sarcastic way possible.

"Harry!" Niko laughed, swatting at him.

"And I was doing Mary too behind your back," he joked.

"I knew it! It's always the quiet ones who are the freak in the sheets," Niko laughed out loud. Harry gave another big, hearty laugh. Niko smiled at him and shook her head.

"No. It's just you, Niko," he said, growing serious. She didn't know how to respond, so she just kissed him.

"I love you," he breathed as he rested his forehead against hers.

"I love you too," she said with a sad smile.

"Let me know about Tuesday," he said, smiling at her.

"Your number?" She asked as she grabbed her purse from the bench by the entryway where she left it. She quickly pulled out her phone noticing she had many texts and calls from Max.

"It's still the same," Harry assured her as she shoved the phone back in her purse.

"Mine too," she told him as she slung her purse strap over her shoulder. She never got a new number over the years because of Harry. She always wanted that line of communication open just in case one of them decided to use it someday.

"Good," he said with a wide smile.

Harry gave her one last kiss before opening the front door for her. Niko walked out as Harry gave her a swift slap on the bottom.

"Harry Styles!" Niko gasped, looking back at him. He smirked deviously at her as he bounced his eyebrows.

"Bye, Neeks," he said, once again using the nickname she loved falling from his lips. She waved and walked out to her car.

Once at home, she slipped into the elevator and a wave of exhaustion came over her. It was tiring playing with kids all day and not to mention the extracurricular activities she and Harry part in afterward. She had to pull herself from the wall of the elevator to exit it before dragging her feet down to her apartment door. She could almost hear her bed calling her name. She unlocked the door and went inside, turning on the light.

"Where the hell have you been?" She heard Max's worried voice.

Niko froze instantly – a wave of panic washing over her.


	5. {five}

"Where the hell have you been?" She heard Max's worried voice.

Niko froze instantly – a wave of panic washing over her.

"You had me worried sick," Max told her sternly. His voice wasn't angry. It was filled with relief.

"I-I..." She stuttered, unable to come up with a palpable lie on the spot.

"Niko, where have you been? It's past midnight," Max told her.

"I-I fell asleep watching a movie with the kids," she lied.

"Why were you there all day and night?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in question.

"Because—" She said. Again, she couldn't think of anything to say.

"Because?" He asked, looking at her oddly.

"You wouldn't understand," she said, pushing past him. It angered her that he would even question why she was with the kids. Because. Be _fucking_ cause.

"Niko. Why are you mad right now?" Max asked, following her into the bedroom.

"I'm not mad. I'm just annoyed," she said as she removed her clothing so she could put on some pajamas. All she really wanted to do was sleep.

"Okay, so tell me why you like hanging out with those kids?" He asked, sounding sweet and supportive. And it annoyed her because she knew she wasn't good enough for him – not when she was doing what she was doing behind his back.

"Because I love them, okay? Why are you even at my apartment?" She asked with a little bit of attitude. He was taken aback by her reaction.

"I-I wanted to spend some time with you," he said, looking almost heartbroken.

"Uh, god. Max, I'm sorry. I just... It's been a long night," she sighed, feeling like a huge bitch.

"Baby, I don't want to upset you," Max said, wrapping his arms around her half naked body. His body was warm and she relaxed into him immediately.

"I'm just tired," she sighed as he kissed her shoulder. His hand slipped up into her shirt, just below her breasts.

"Max..." Niko protested.

"Hmm?" He asked as he kissed up her neck.

"Please. I just want to sleep. Just... stop," she told him firmly.

"I'm sorry. I just... I just want to help you relax," he said, pulling away.

"Sleep would help me relax," she snapped again.

"Fine," he said, completely stepping away from her.

Niko walked over to her drawer, digging around for something to wear. She found exactly what she _needed_. A plain white v-neck t-shirt she wore so many times over the past two years. A t-shirt that once belonged to Harry. His scent no longer lingered on the fabric – it faded after a few washes, but it still brought her closer to _him_. She pulled it over her head and it centered her, calmed her. She breathed in as if habitual. She couldn't smell him on it, but she remembered how it used to smell. His scent was imprinted in her memory a long, long time ago.

When Niko turned around, Max was already in the bed, his back to her. She quietly crawled onto her side and got under the cover, turning her back to him.

"Why do you always wear that shirt?" She heard Max's low voice.

"W-what do you mean?" She stammered, her heart speeding up as her body froze in apprehension.

"That white v-neck. You always wear it," he said, turning toward her.

"Because I _like_ it," she told him.

"What is it? Like an ex-boyfriend's shirt?" He asked, bitterness in his tone.

"No. It's _mine_ ," she snapped.

"What the hell is wrong with you tonight? Seriously. You're acting really weird," Max said, sitting up straight in the bed.

"Nothing. I'm just tired," she mumbled.

Max grumbled and laid back down, switching the light off. The two of them didn't say another word that night and he was gone in the morning. Niko couldn't be sure if he didn't say goodbye to her because he was mad or because he didn't want to wake her. She didn't think she wanted to know either way.

...

Tuesday night, Max was working late, which gave Niko a perfect excuse to go see Harry. She felt like a giddy teenage girl going to lose her virginity with the boy she had a crush on forever. She was nervous – she and Harry were sneaking around and it got her blood pumping.

When she made it to his house, Harry answered the door with a wide grin across his face and she couldn't keep the smile off her face even if she tried.

" _Jesus_ , Neeks. You look incredible," Harry gasped at her and she immediately felt a blush creep up her cheeks.

"Thanks," she said with a bashful smile as he leaned in to kiss her.

"Come in," he said, grabbing her hand before pulling her into the house.

He brought her into the living room and immediately spun her into his arms as he began kissing her again. She giggled against his lips, but kissed him back lovingly.

"I'm sorry. God. Niko, I'm sorry," he said, pulling away, looking sheepish.

"Why are you apologizing?" She asked, furrowing her brows in confusion.

"Because... I feel like all we have ever done with each other is have sex. I want to do other things. I want to hang out with you. We never really had the chance," he said with a shy smile.

"That's not entirely true. You used to take me places – Santa Monica, Hollywood, LAX..." she said, throwing the last one in there as a joke, but Harry only gave a strained laugh.

"Oh, Harry. Come on," Niko laughed as she nudged him. He rolled his eyes at her, but smiled anyway.

"What do you want to do then?" She asked, watching him.

"I don't know," he said, sitting down on the couch, gripping onto her hand as he pulled her down with him.

"Why don't we just talk?" She asked, smiling at him.

"Okay," he agreed happily.

The two of them spent the next two hours talking about everything and anything under the sun. It was so easy to talk to him and she loved hearing that accent. The two of them weren't always able to talk freely with each other during the summer they spent together, so she enjoyed his company thoroughly.

It wasn't long before they heard the front door open and heard Jackson call for Harry.

"What the hell are they doing home already?" Harry questioned. Niko knew it was rhetorical, but she answered anyway.

"I don't know," she said quietly.

"Daddy?" They heard Avery call out.

"Why don't you two go upstairs to your rooms? I need to talk to your father," they heard Julia's voice. Niko swallowed hard, still in the mindset that she and Harry were still sneaking behind her back. And she supposed maybe they still were.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Harry asked, standing up from the couch. Niko stood up too, looking around for somewhere she could hide, but knew she needed to be an adult about this now.

They heard the children's footsteps running up the stairs and seconds later, Julia walked into the living room. Her eyes raked over her ex-husband and then over Niko. She had a look of contempt on her face.

"Julia... you're supposed to have them until nine," Harry said sternly.

"We need to talk," she snapped at him, but her eyes were glaring at Niko.

"What now?" He asked, sounding incredibly annoyed with her.

"How long have you two been _fucking_ each other?" Julia shot at the two of them.

Niko's eyes widened immediately – she was panicking. She couldn't move. She couldn't look at Harry. She was just stuck.

"Julia!" Harry snapped.

"No, I want to know, Harry. Because my _seven-year-old_ daughter told me her daddy was kissing Niko in his underwear. I want to know how _goddamn_ long you two have been _fucking_ each other!" She yelled and Niko could see the vein in her neck popping out. She was _mad_.

"Calm down, Jules," Harry scoffed.

"You better tell me _right now_ , Harry. Was it the whole time? All the while when we were in California that year? All through our divorce? All this time?" She yelled angrily.

"Not all this time," Harry said quietly.

"When?" She growled.

"It started in California," he said quietly.

"You _asshole!"_ Julia growled in a hushed tone.

"Can you _blame_ me? You were a goddamn robot, Julia! You didn't _want_ me!" Harry yelled at her.

Niko was suddenly brought back two years, listening to all of Harry and Julia's fights in California – except this one was about her. She felt like she was going to cry. She hated this.

"So you go fuck the _nanny!?"_ She yelled at her ex-husband.

"Oh, come off it Julia! Our marriage was over long before that!" Harry yelled back.

"You are a piece _shit_. I may have been dedicated to my work, but I would have never _cheated_ on you!" Julia yelled.

"You _were_ cheating on me _with_ your work! You were never around. You were never intimate with me. Any chance we got to be intimate, your fucking phone would start ringing. _You_ did this to us, Julia! You cheated me out of a _wife_ , out of a _partner!"_ Harry countered angrily.

Niko felt like she shouldn't be there – she felt like she was intruding on something _very_ personal. But they were fighting about her, so she knew she would be pulled back in if she tried to leave. She felt like she was being torn in two and all she could do was stand there and watch.

But when Julia let out a menacing laugh, Niko's _fight or flight_ instincts kicked in and her brain chose _flight_. And before she knew it was happening, her feet were moving her toward the door – she needed to get out of there. She needed to flee.

"Where the _hell_ do you think you're going, you little homewrecker?" Julia snapped, jabbing her finger hard into Niko's chest. Niko stood frozen in front of her, staring straight into the eyes of the beast.

" _Don't_ touch her!" Harry yelled, taking two large steps toward her and his ex-wife. Julia's eyes flashed toward Harry. She was absolutely livid.

"Oh, what? Are you _in love_ with her or something?" Julia scoffed at him.

"Get the fuck out of here, Julia," Harry yelled.

"You're in love with her?" She laughed.

Niko hung her head, looking down at her feet. She didn't want to be there. She was having a panic attack and all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball in her bed, away from all of it.

"She's a _baby_ , Harry! You're an entire decade older than her! She doesn't even know what love is!" Julia shot at him.

"Get the _fuck_ out of here," Harry yelled at her again.

Niko swiftly moved past both of them, making a beeline for the door. She was getting out of there. She could no longer sit and listen to them talking about her as if she wasn't even there. This was ridiculous. It was a mistake to even go there, to even continue this with Harry. Ever since they came back into each other's life it was all ups and downs – as a matter of fact, everything about her and Harry's time together was filled with ups and downs. Max meant stability. The only things that had ups and downs in their relationship was her mood, which of course was Harry's doing.

"Niko!" Harry yelled as he came after her.

"This was a mistake," she told him in a hushed tone.

"No, please don't go," Harry told her.

"Let her go, Harry. She's too young for you," Julia chided, walking into the foyer where the two of them were.

" _Fuck you_ , Julia," Harry growled at his ex, causing her jaw to drop from his words.

"Niko, please don't go," Harry pleaded, grabbing onto her arm. She shook her head as she fought back the tears.

"It has just been one long roller coaster ride, Harry. I want to get off now," she said sadly.

" _Please_..." He pleaded, his expression was heartbreaking.

"Goodbye," Niko croaked before she left the house, before he saw her tears.


End file.
